I Fear !

I am scared. I fear the people who expect me to be according to them .I fear the fact of letting them down .I fear the FACT .I am scared.I have taken B.ca as choice of my degree course against the family's wanting . And i have finished my 1st semester .my exam got over and they expect me to get good result,so do i hope. I fear the fact of not getting good result .I can't even expalin them that i did the best i could .I am not prepared for their reaction . They say many things ..they say i have gone against them so least need to be doing well in this else they will shift me to wat they want me to do :( .They want me to engeeniring ,why the heck should i can't even spell the word correctly . I have no idea what I am going to do in those movements when i don't get good result.

I sat for the maximum time allowed for exam Did the best i could sitting in that claustrophobic hall. I don’t have a good feeling in my heart,it is sinking,the anti-anxiety drugs are not working. My stomach is churning and I can feel the acid. My hands are cold and clammy(and its not the weather I know). There is tachycardia(increased heart rate),the neurons refuse to act to any stimulus. This is déjà vu….the feeling of impending doom. Its not happening for the first time. And unfortunately tracing the pattern of my actions I know its not the last either.It's been happening through out my life.