Time Vanquished me .

Last December i had gone back to Bihar ,Oh yeah ,Bihar my native place.

It was long time being back to my place ,I met my friend and to my surprise i found my town as it was before ,I met my friends as they also had holidays and they were back home .
Everyone was happy ,so was i .None had forgotten me ,this fact made me feel why i m special .I went to each one's house whom i was close to .I even phoned few of my friends for regrouping.Bihar being small state .It didn't take long to regroup . I Had great time . I even met my girl mates ,though my friends are still little conservative they didn't stop me . They just passed on little giggle and comments,which didn't bother me .

I found out that the girl whom i wanted to meet had permanently shifted to patna .

So next day i asked my Friend to drop me there,I didn't feel any uncomfortability until i reached her house ..Some strange kind of feeling seemed to be stopping me ...I somehow gathered myself and went and spoke to her mother..as her father was not at home.

I knew her mother so it didn't much time to reach the girl .Her mother said me that she is on terrace,I had phoned her before that i would be coming there ,

It was around 8 'o' clock ,In Bihar during December it's too cold ,and night starts as early as 6 'o clock ,So city was covered by darkness and artifcial light tried it's best to cover the darkness everywhere .

I went on the terrace ,It was windy , She was looking away somewhere ...i guess she was thinking something...and during this time a chain of thought ran through my mind thinking wat to do ,shall i say loudly "hello" ..wat to do ,how to do was the question in my mind . After some 30 seconds ,I moved towards her ,She stood like last leaf on a dying tree ,I let her hear my footstep ..when i reached near her she turned .
She looked as good as ever .

I looked into her eyes and said "hello" ,she looked down and tried avoiding looking at me .
Then few formality talks went on , She went on shooting few question and went on answering ,I was stupid i didn't have anything int resting to tok with her ,I was just looking at her .

Until she looked into my eyes and said "wat?" ..i smiled and looked away [:d]. I had camera in my hand , I wanted to take her pic . I started playing with cam ,

Then she asked "how come i remembered her ?" and i replied slyly as "U remembered me " [:d].
Then she asked me "Did you find anyone in Bangalore ?" I said :"no" .
she asked why ? I said like a flirt moron "I didn't find anyone like you " .

she smiled and said :U haven't changed .
I remained serene -though i had never loved her ,nor did she i guess.i had certainly become one of her close friend .

she just wanted to let me know she has a boyfriend and didn't want to hide it from me. ouch. yes, it would hurt more if she had never told me, I was at least thankful for that much. i told her i was happy for her, because she was happy. This is true. but that doesn't mean it hurts less or doesn't hurt at all. i was laughing more than usual. it's not longer a matter of laughing out frustrations, it's a matter of wanting to be good at something .I finally feel i can stretch myself to be good at. i was breathing more than ever, as well. my desire to create is just... totally consuming me. i just hoped this never turns into some deranged desire for my creations to be liked/loved. back to her . so her boyfriend was in patna as well. So i was gonna meet him .So no problem. i took some measure of sympathy towards her and her boyfriend if my presence will make them uncomfortable, but... i was somewhat assured that she would not be there when i would go to meet him .This didn't mean i had to change my mind. she wants the boyfriend, she's placing herself in this situation, it is not my problem. - aargh - . frustrating. i had a feeling that i would not be meeting her boyfrined for much longer, and that my schedule was too busy to take out time for him .Oh ,hell this made me think i should too look for someone or i should remain single -watever that would make me remain happy .I thought new friends will be nice idea. i would rather be doing something that requires a little emotional shit ,that my brain needs it.

I was wondering if she will make it weird .
me: well, time to move on .

U must be thinking why i wanted to her boyfriend ?
*laughs* This part is another funny part -Her boyfriend was was my old hostel mate,Infact closest in Boarding school .When i was in fourth ..we both used to like this girl ,be both never felt jealous with each other ,Infact we shared cloths ,thoughts , to be in best attire front of her .Just to impress her.

I still remember her b'day when we both had gone to buy gift for her,It took hell lots of time deciding,I guess our minds were completely affected by movies . I used to sing song and dance for school on many ocassion ,i was very active, Infact i was one of the most intelligent and happenign kid of school . whenever i used to sing ..i used to look at her somethng like what hero does in movies . I and her boyfriend were best buddies , sometime we also used to talk about ,who would get .We sometime used to feel like challenge ,but never relly used to do things that would make the other friend feel bad . Yeah ,Truth was that i was facing here was that -HE HAD DEFEATED ME or Rather i let myself get defeated . -Venquished-

I wanted to say my part of truth to her . I said her we were good friend and she replied boldly that she liked me but she thought i would have had forgotten her ,since i hadn't been to bihar for long time and never relly took intrest to talk with her .And AT this time i ever felt that i even had some undistinguished feeling for her. I felt like foolish boy . I think it's something i could talk about. she *is* my friend, after all. it's not like her having a boyfriend is some kind of leprosy.

Then recieved a call "she asked for excuse "and went away .she returned in some 30 seconds.
I asked her " was he ur Boy friend "
she replied "Yes -he is coming here to meet me ."

I still had camera .I had got the camera so that i could capture her ,but that moment i thought it would be better if i forget her.And i kept the camera inside my pocket . [:d].

No matter how significant or insignificant this incident is .. If this memory ever await ..i have learnt time doesn't erase the past ..it will though in it's most merciful way .. I m not perpetually so thoguhtful :)) .. One thing that People should remeber before the end is Start ! ..as i always say start is end start [:O] =)) .

Life moves on.SO did I .I m life .
I Love My Past,I Love My Present ..I am Not Ashamed Of What I have Done BefOre Because I Dont Have It AnyMore .

*She reminded me of the dialogue that i used to use : If we are all parts of a larger whole - if we are the small of a bigger big - then neither you are reading nor my writing is greater than our understanding. (I guess i had copied from somewhere ,watever may it be This certainly does have meaning )

I m perpetually unsentimental person ...still I do write thoguths that are i fought :D

Above narrated story .. as i recall ..it may be so that story from other angle would differ ..

and most IMPORTANTLY .. i like to remeber the incident or anything as i want rather than as it happens ..