Funny Quotes

Practice makes a man perfect… – But nobody’s perfect…… so why
practice?

Money is not everything. – There’s MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. – They are so tasty.

Save water. – Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. – But don’t get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every
unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. – After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

The wise never marry – And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. – It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic – It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents – Accidents in backseats cause
children

“Your future depends on your dreams” – So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day – Than waking up every
morning

“Hard work never killed anybody” – But why take the risk !

“Work fascinates me” – I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; – Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two’s company, – three’s the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know – So… Why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station…. what more can I say…….. 

Random Act ..Say Hello

I had a  Sim card Of Aircel ..Which I rarely use ..so  Today I Just decided To Use The sim for random Act ..Oh yeah Random Act ...

Today's story I wish tranfer Into Play I.e different scene ...*swooshed Opens the curtain by inserting new sim into Phone *.



Scene 1:Akash - [Silent  Boy..a good footballer and amazing guy to be with *caller tune walk and talk talk and walk* ]

Akash :Hello .
Me : Silent
Akash:Hello .
Me  : Hello
Akash : Hi .
Me :Say Hello .
Akash  :Hello .
Me :Again .
Akash  : Who is this ?
Me: Are You walking or talking ?
Akash :wat ?
Me :Did yedy kill the goat ?
Akash :sorry ..
Me : *cracking up*say hello ..uncontrolled  giggle..
Akash :Sumit ..
Me :Pamela Anderson .
Akash : who ?
Me :Pamela ..
Akash :Tell da sumit ..
Me: How the fuck You know i M sumit ?
Akash :No one else is mad Like You .
*rest conversation is about studies and current progress in life ..skipping *

Scene 2 :calling   Krish -School mate ,  currently pursuing B.sc in josephs close friend ,calling up after long time .. ]
*rings*
Me :Hello
Krish :*changed voice* Hello .
Me :I m calling from St Joseph college .
Krish :Yes .
Me :This is to inform You that Your exam that was to be held tomorrow has been postponed to tuesday due to death of One of Our teacher .
Krish :Wat ?
Me :Yes lets pray for Peace .
Krish : who are You ?
Me :say Hello .
Krish : sumit ?
Me : Bhosdk .
Me :How the fuck Did u guess ?
Krish :Who else can do this ?
Me :but still .
Krish :Exam Khatam ho gaya..
Me :<> I should Have found out this detail and talked  .

Krish :Hahahahha ..watta a beginning  man (yeah he has the habit of telling man after most statement ..how are you ? fuck You ... ##$$##$#$#$ $##$#$ $##$# and goes on ...
*And usual life talk *

*ending*
Me :say Hello =)).


Scene 3 : Basil  [school mate ,another funny guy whose favorite line is 'Fuck man' ..be it for funny or serious issue ]

Me :Silent
Basil :Hello
Me :Hello
Basil :who is this
Me :Raj malhotra
Basil :I can't hear You ..
Me :Raj malhotra ,My wife's name is Pooja .
Basil :I don't know You ..i think Wrong number ..
Me :I have four son ..and Do you agree to agreement ?
Basil :wat ?,wat agreement ?
Me :Marriage Agreement ..(oops made wrong choice of word )
Basil :Wat ?
Me :House Agreement ..
Basil :I think You have called Up wrong guy ..
Me :No i m father of four son and My wife's name is pooja ,i have four children .
Basil :Is this vivek ?,No Not vivek ..who are You ?
Me :  Harry potter fan .
Basil :Wat ?
Basil :Oh Fuck man - Sumit (note His first use )
Me :Go die ..
Basil :Oh Fuck man You confused me ..I was like wat agreement .. hahha Oh fuck ,Oh fuck man .
*and this goes on ...with normal college description *
*ending*
Me :Say hello .
Basil :Oh fuck man .


Scene 4 - Akash Badrinath [school mate ]-one Big fat goofy guy with one can chat about gaming ,rock and star wars for Years .One man I know who is Himslef truely .* he is returning after attending the rock show in palace ground*

*rings*

Me :Hello
Akash :Hello
Me :Say Hello
Akash :Hi
Me :Say hello.
Akash :Hello ,Who is this ?
Me : Hello ,This is spiderman .
Akash : Oh,wow ..how do you survive in india ..how do You manage your skill practice in these small building .* This answer wasn't expected ,Perhaps this shows his sporadic thinking*
Me :Yeah I kinda difficult ,but then i m Dwarf spider man ..I got to use skill on these small building ..
Akash :Ok ,Tell who is this ?
Me: Now that You have repeated the question I must change my answer ,Shaktiman .
AKash :Wow,Our super hero . Sumit ...wadddddupp ...How is yOu ?
Me :How the hell man ..Go die ..I m not talking to You
Akash :Hahahah ..Who else could be mad so much .
Me :Damn You .
*usual talk about wats happening currently and other update *
(yeah he has curled Up long Hair now ..gotta meet him soon :D)
*end*
Me : Say Hello to shaktiman .



Scene 5- shamsudin .

Me :Hello .
Shamsudin: Hello .
Me :say again .
Shansudin :Hello .
Me :Keep saying .
Shamsudin : hello hello helo ..,who is this ?
Me :Is Your fan running ?
Shamsudin :Sumit ?, yeah it's running.
Me :Go run after it ..
*both laughs uproariously*
Shamsudin :  Salley gandu harami
*usual talk now *
*ending*
Me: say hello ..
Shanmsudin :Khi khi khi ..

Scene 6: Neha (Old Friend ..Rarely talk to her ..)

 Me :Hello
Neha :Hi
Me :I said Hello say hello
Neha :Hello ,WHO ARE YOU ?
Me :Shiv
Neha :Who are you? shiv is with me .
*damn that fool had to be with her now :@ !*
Me :Ramji shabjiwala
Neha :Hahhaha ,SUMIT ?
*grr even though I m not in touch i got caught *
Me :Bye , It's late night ..go sleep ..And slap that shiv .
Neha :Khi khi .. You still are mad .
Me :No i m ramji shabjiwala now ..slap that FOOL ..
Me :say hello .
*I cut the call*

Scene 6: Kathik Kesar (college mate )

Me :Hello
Karthik :Hello
Me:Hello
Karthik :Who are u man ?
Me :Ramya in Same Voice.*in my own voice i.e man voice *
Karthik :Which ramya ?
Me :Ramya with Loose bra .
*laughs *
Karthik :Tell the Fucker ..
*i had messaged him before as unknown ..and by then he had got doubt and by that i think he inferred who i was -now usual talk about wat i have been doing and record and tomorrow timing *

Scene 7: Junaid

Me :Knok Knock
Junaid : Hello,who is this .
Me :Kya apkey masudo mein dard hain ?
Junaid :Wat ?
Me :Chalo agley ghar .. leaves him in confused ~hahah !

*later I called him up ...but no scene was scripted as he recognised my voice easily .*

Scene 8,9,10,11 ..skipped due to similarity in script .

Scene That remained Unscripted
Calling Mandira [current name Ping] *rings * *She deosn't pick * grrr ..Anyway this scene I presume  wouldn't have got scripted because I had already been INDIAN GAS DELEIVERY boy yesterday to her ..still called to make scene and realised after making call ..as she was only who was remaining in that list to be scripted scene with .

*Sim Removed *

Me :Hello ,Say Hello .Keep Repeating .

Later , :@  !

Gonna complete practical record now ..

Don't Try Any .

I don't Know How to narrate todays story .. I choose to Start the description With the  Line "walk To Remeber " 




Morning came late as it was Tuesday ,I woke and checked the time had raced to eight ..to catch up with time i had to Do things quickly .. I  Rushed Up things and reached the temple early their I had to meet   =^..^=  as it was preplanned ..I choose to not write rest as  I would want to remember as I want at that point of time  [:d] ~ha !.At the end Of all ...All i would want to remeber this day as - The Day i walked the WALK TO REMEBER .

 Shifting back Focus On Todays Thought .. usually I don't have so Much Thought ..But today I don't know happen to get many weird thought None became Real though .. 


Here are Few Which i Recall .. 
1.While Buying Pop corn tub ---> When they gave it to me , I looked at it, then threw it on the floor angrily and started crying for no reason. -This was thought ..


In real nothing happened .


2.Waited until there's a funny part in the movie. When the laughter started to die down, screamed at the top of your lungs. -Another Illusion . 


In Real No Action scene .


3.At the end of the movie, when the credits was  rolling, stood up quickly and tried to convince everyone that there's a secret scene before the credits end. While everyone stayed to watch the "Secret Scene"(which did not exist) stood up and left  without anyone noticing -Haa Haa ... Another Illusion . 


4.While Entering the elevator ..if some is coming from side ..just run away yelling ..Batman batman .. and make feared expression .. 


My suggestion: Don't try Any . =)) .

Illusion Over --> I Love this :@ more than This :@ ! 

------>

Today I watched "All the best " -It's Kinda funny movie .. Rohit shetty seems to have become Pro on making films and extracting Humor out of anything and everthing ..this movie a bit of slapstick , a bit of rapidly moving tongue in the cheek ,  and lots of witty lines .. extremely funny .. and Obviously Lots of Ajay devgan .. Movie starts it's setup and reaches the theme within fifteen minutes we come to know that this movie is about mistaken identities ..but then it's sajay Dutts  entry that draws the interest completely and makes you hold ur stomach . 

This movie seems to be best of the diwali Relase ,Ironically ..By First view at trailer It seemed to be Stupid Movie ..But then it's the complete star cast of the movie that helps the movie's Hilarious script  run Smoothly . First Ten minutes seemed boring .. few funny scenes seemed forcibly put to make it appear funny ..  

And To Be  honest Bipasha and Fardeen have done Justice with their character and A Movie in which  anyone who can make the audience laugh featuring Zany  like Bipasha Basu and Fardeen Khan is a frigging genius .

On the Whole This movie is hillarious and Must watch Too..If you want the rohit's created MADCAP ..

 Ending the story with Mute. 

Cliche

I have Heard , Your greatest strengths are your greatest weaknesses. And vice versa.

When I Look back at this line I think " The first part is a cliche , the 'vice versa' part should/would  be too."

I try to remind myself of that when I confront my weaknesses. Staring into the darkness of my inadequacy, it’s easy to overlook the strength that may be lurking in there as well .

For instance, one of my most glaring weaknesses is that I am not a social animal. I prefer to live in my head. I avoid social occasions. When compelled to be social, I have a hard time masking my disinterest. I could care less about others’ concerns, except on the rare occasions when they happen to intersect or understand my view  , at which point I overwhelm them with learned discourses they’d prefer not to hear. I am, fundamentally, a deeply selfish person. So it’s no surprise that I don’t form connections so easily .

I know This is not good . This may have resulted in a great deal of unhappiness in in others’ lives as well as in my life a bit too.

Anyhow I still think it has it's own advantage too after having chosen to be like this Unknowingly .

For one, my thinking is probably more independent than it would otherwise be ,My Thoght are more sporadic ,Perhaps . Avoiding people makes me less susceptible to social proof, that strong urge to follow the herd that so often leads us over a cliff or bluff in geographical sense .

I Feel My thinking is also more abstract and systemic; I am less prone than most to personalize complex phenomena . Normal social beings are more prone to take these mental short-cuts, and therefore more prone to their distortions .Perhaps I May be wrong with  my view  or may just seem to you this way . Considering the fact I m Unsocial and thoughts are sporadics .This fact about claiming  sporadic may seem to you that i m self boasting but then I Just tried conveying according to my exprience .

Another benefit is I have more time to think On what I want to  ,My phone never ringing , my email rarely pinging me with new messages .

But the most surprising benefit, and one that I have only recently begun to truly appreciate, is that being asocial has actually taught me a great deal about people. Social interactions that come naturally to most people do not come naturally to me. What most do unconsciously, I can only do consciously. I have to analyze my social interactions in order to make them work. My analytical approach is artificial and can result in stilted interactions, but over years of trial and error I’ve managed to refine it to such a degree that I can navigate my way through most social situations while looking more natural than I would be or I m .

That’s not surprising to me. What is surprising is that I have also become a social resource for others in my family and small circle of friends. What could these naturally social people possibly learn from me? When they find themselves in social quandaries, and their own natural instincts fail to guide them, an artificial but analytical approach like mine can help reveal answers they otherwise couldn’t see. They never needed to develop analytical social skills, so their social strength is now their weakness, while my social weakness has led me to develop this strength that they sometimes need. So they increasingly consult with me, the most asocial person they know, about social matters.

On the whole, I still believe I’d be happier if I were naturally social. The lifetime benefits of being naturally social significantly outweigh the benefits I’ve outlined above, but rather than rail against the injustice of my weakness I will try to dwell more on its attendant strengths .

And I Now i can sense the change .. Phone always ringing and message always Pinging .At this Point I fail to distinguish whether it's good or bad But till the time I m not made to think on this  I chose to sway in direction of moving wind.

BLUE

I don't relly chose to put my view normally until or unless movie is way too bad or good ..or over hyped ..

Blue is multi starer movie starring Akshay,zayed,sanjay,lara,rahul dev,Katrrina Kaif.  supposing one of the costliest movie by Bollywood moreover  it's excellent crew consisting of oscar winner AR rahman ,Famous Kylie Manou ,And if report is to believed the underwater director of  photography from the movie PIRATES OF CARRI BEAN .

First Focussing by bits on actors ..

 Akshay Kumar : Superstar Holding ,he is one star who believes in never make sensible movie concept .. perhaps does work for him sometime ..but he does need to make serious choice to Reach the league of actor.. as i said he is SUPERSTAR .. Not actor .. but a perfect superstar is one who equally rationalize b/w stardom and acting ..  I don't know if i can blame him ..this movies script seemed too weak .. nothing ever gripped ..every next frame in this movie was obvious .. It seemed like this movie was being directed by a student who is on learning process of film making .. every minute direction completely stripped the suspense .. "Like akshay says the dialogue about RISK..which was previously used by rahul dev .. then at beginning director gives sufficient Hint to show akshay is Bad guy .. I would say This movie wasted everything and every bodies Talent .

Zayed Khan : Most part of the movie zayed hides his FACE in helmet ..which infact i thought is best thing and thought by director ..considering zayed's emotionless expression .. this guy relly need to work on expression .. nothing seems natural on him .. even the Arrogant smile seemed too Vague  ..as always he remain he need to learn alot .

Sanjay Dutt :Seemed To Just do with role with no effort into it ..

Lara Dutta : She Needs to learn Alot..she was bad in Do knot disturb and here too .. sexy Image doesn't Hide Bad acting ..

Katrina Kaif :She doesn't have much role ..but she is never natural . .She Is Can't act .

this part is completely personal view : I wonder what makes people like this female ..I don't find her Good looking ..she is one awkwardly shaped female ..sometime she looks like malyali actress ..just that her ascent and Fairness hides ..I feel either kids or the people who wants to see sexy voluptuous lady can only like her .. I may seem bit too Harsh ..but i have heard alot about this lady ..on news ..on paper ..everywhere ..

Focussing On Movie : I Thought LUCK was mistake by this production House ..then they came up with this movie ..proving they have mistaken the understanding of film making completely .. at times i felt like hitting myself for having gone for this movie .. songs are unnecessary still  i got no problem ..considering the fact director had tried to give exotic new look to this thriller ..then moving to dialogue ..OMFG .. This was hilarious .. The completely seemed to have lost senses while placing dialogue .. While Rahul Dev shoots .. lara Dutta in midst tries to be funny atleast it seemed funny to me /...she says to solve matter by talking and this sanjay then starts talking .. bhai sahab and stuff .. this movie badly articulated .. A completely baseless You never get thrillled i don't even know wat category this movie would be placed probably IN category of ashtavinyaks SPECIAL BAD MOVIES . Firstly dissapointing LUCK then This BLUE ..  next they should make SUCK. :@ ! Atleast watching some BLUE film would be better ..while i was walking back i saw a poster of "RAAT KI RAANI" and thought that movie would have been better choice than this .. [:X]

Few of the brilliant No logic scenes :

1.  Ending they get to treasure easily ..to which no one had ever succeeded in reaching .. many had lost their life too -

2.Gold were still shinning after 50 years .

3. Akshay sports a grey  goatee ...which goes missing in one scene and is seen with goatee again in other .

4.In trial of giving exotic new look director places the scene and few action of actor unnecessarily .. Like zayed goes to meet Rahul dev he chucks his jacket ..wat was the neeed [:O] ..  ?!?

5. It was obvious that they didn't want to kill zayed Khan or sanjay that ..still it is shown that people of VILLAIN blindly shoot bullets at them .. did villain know that .. his men would fail to KILL them .. even if they shot blindly ?  ..

6.Movie is not gripping ..

I regret the fact that i chose this Movie ..I m seriously regretting .

I even chose to rate this .. i give ONE STAR ..nothing more than ..Yeah i may seem harsh ..but i seriously did get rotten feeling for having chosen this film while watching ..it's one of the worst movie ..but still this movie manages to give good FIGHT to LUCK .

 Now as per business is concern It will be ALL THE BEST..

Of all movies I think ALL THE BEST would be the best .. Go and go for only ALL THE BEST.Even if u don't get ticket then wait ..but don't commit mistake of watching this movie .. and "Mr and Mrs khanna" would be undoubtably bad Movie ..

I made a mistake Today .. You shouldn't too ..